Concert attendee confronts woman for loudly humming her way through the entire concert, gets accused of “making a scene” : 'I paid $110 to listen to a woman hum in my ear for an hour'

Author image for Brad Dickson
Brad Dickson • Managing Editor
Dec 26, 2024 12:00 PM EST

Although it's great to enjoy yourself—and you should—it's a simple rule of attending an event that your enjoyment must not affect the enjoyment of other people. Sure, you paid money to be here, but so did everyone else, so you have no entitlement over them to infringe on their enjoyment of the same. So, you must balance your own enjoyment of the thing you're attending with proper decorum.

There are some classic catches here—like height sure, that tall person in front of you at a standing event might be annoying, but you can't really expect them to chop their legs off at the knees in order to accommodate you. But overly loud singing, humming, screeching, or clapping—especially out of key or off-beat is grounds for social correction. 

This seems to have gotten specifically awful in the last couple of years, and it's almost as if there was a lapse in the sharing and teaching of younger concert-goers and event attendees about proper social behavior that occurred during a certain worldwide event that shut large gatherings down for a couple of years. Think of every viral video you've seen in the last several years of some young concert-goer, barring their soul with singing that has more place at an exorcism than at a concert. You could probably also chalk it up to the performative behavior and "pick-me" attitudes emboldened by video-based social media platforms, which have fueled a need in the masses to display and project to the world that your enjoyment and understanding are deeper and more important than everyone else's.

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  • But entitlement clearly isn't confined to younger generations... As seen here in this story that was shared with this online community where the poster recounted an encounter that he had at a classical music concert with a fellow concert-goer who insisted on humming loudly the entire time, tearing him away from the actual music he had paid to see. 

    Now, he's wondering whether or not he was in the wrong for not silently suffering and tolerating the disruption, with his fiancée accusing him of "making a scene" for confronting the offender.

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  • 02
    AITA for telling a woman to stop humming during a classical music concert? My fiancée and I enjoy going to live classical music concerts as a special date night. Yesterday, I spent $110 on two front-row seats for holiday music we were excited for. Not even 15 seconds after the music started, the woman directly behind me. began loudly humming with the music. At first, I tried to ignore it, hoping she'd stop, but she just kept going. It wasn't subtle-it was loud. You could see her being overly tou
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  • 03
    The husband at one point said something around the lines of her needing to stop as it's not polite, but the wife laughed it off. But I was becoming incredibly mad at this point. I'm not a confrontational guy, I hate confrontation! But I was just brewing the entire time. But my Fiancée seemed to not have directly noticed so I didn't want to cause a scene or ruin her night.
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  • 04
    But 30 minutes into the concert, I told my Fiancée I needed to say something. I can't hear the music and I was frustrated. That's when my Fiancée noticed and told me it's okay and not to make a scene. Maybe 5 minutes later, the woman behind me begins singing! Straight singing! If you're not familiar with classical music etiquette. You don't sing, you don't hum, you don't make sound, you don't tap your feet.
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  • 05
    This is when I turned around, directly looked at the woman and said, "Mam, please stop." The woman looked confused, asked me to repeat, and I said, "Mam, please stop. I've been listening to you the entire concert." She then hand wave me away out of embarrassment. The husband didn't even want to look at me, he looked embarrassed.
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  • 06
    I could hear others laughing after I said that to her. You could hear the whispers of others giggling and repeating what I said to their significant other. But guess what? She didn't stop! She tapped me on the shoulders 5 minutes later to apologize and I waved her away. I didn't want to accept any apology, I was frustrated, and I didn't want to acknowledge her. If it wasn't for my Fiancée being able to enjoy most of the show I would have. asked for a refund or for someone to ask her to leave.
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  • 07
    But I do feel bad because my Fiancée now more tuned to the sound, she became frustrated with the humming. The woman was directly next to my ear, but my fiancée though next to me was just a bit further and at an angle that made it as to why she didn't notice at first. But she then said something to the woman asking her to be quiet. And again, no change.
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  • 08
    Honestly when the concert ended at the hour mark, I didn't want to look at that woman, I didn't want to do anything but leave. I paid $110 to listen to a woman hum in my ear for an hour. It was a lesson in patience, but not in a good way.
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  • 09
    So, reddit, AITA for telling her to stop? Should I have escalated it to staff or handled it differently? I genuinely am not a confrontational guy; I've never been in this position before. It makes me incredibly uncomfortable, so for me to have said anything is very out of character.
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  • 10
    OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the a hole: 1.) I confronted a woman at a concert. 2.) I made people uncomfortable and also my fiancée then became aware of the situation which ruined some song sets for her.
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  • 11
    CandylandCanada NTA We've all been there some - annoying nonsense when you've paid good money for tickets, then on top of it the concern that if you bring it up to others that it might ruin the experience for them. Maddening. Gently, fiancée was wrong - you weren't making a scene, Measha Brueggergosman was (shout-out to our Canuck Cantante).
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  • 12
    You did nothing wrong by addressing the woman's outrageous behaviour directly. Next time, you might decide to ask an usher to deal with her.
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  • 13
    Tangerine_Bouquet NTA but this is when you as quietly and politely as possible move to the end of the row, find an usher or other person with authority, and lodge a complaint. Especially someone drink, they'll generally take care of it for you.
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  • 14
    yukidaviji • 8h ago • NTA She shouldn't have shown up dr nk. You had every right to ask her to stop, no one wants to hear a drink person at a classical concert. I'm amazed an usher didn't kick her out when she started singing! Next time, get an usher and do try and get a refund. You didn't get to hear the concert, you didn't get what you'd paid for. She probably ruined other people's nights too.
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  • 15
    itsnotaboutyou2020 NTA, and you're absolutely correct about classical music etiquette. For what it's worth, I also can't stand this behavior at rock concerts. I know the vibe is very different, but I resent paying money to hear the show when half the audience is singing along with the vocals. Usually not very well either.
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  • 16
    NectarineAny4897 • 8h ago Ushers are paid to handle these issues.
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  • 17
    Silly_Tangerine1914 • 7h ago • NTA. As a classical musician I don't practice and perfect my craft for people like this to ruin it for others.
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  • 18
    rototheros • 9h ago NTA at all. I can't believe she didn't stop after you made her aware of how disruptive she was being. I would have been unable to stop myself from saying something again. Or asking her partner to please help talk some sense into her. People have become beyond rode at concerts.
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  • 19
    PeoplesRagnar • 8h ago NTA, I would have stopped the nano-second she started humming in a classical concert. Beyond the pale really.
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  • 20
    leswill315. 8h ago. I volunteer at a lovely old (90+ years) renovated theater. Our managers always tell us to come to them with any issues and they'll handle it. They would have asked her to leave. Don't hesitate to get the ushers involved. I know from volunteering there that they want everyone to have a great experience at whatever show is on stage.
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  • 21
    blueyejan ⚫ 7h ago No, NTA! I hate when people act like this. I might have gotten an usher after she did stfu, but I also wouldn't have waited as long to say something. And $110 for front row! Great price!
    via crossivejoker

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